Readers Respond: Tips for Surviving "Oblications," the Trips You Have to Take

Responses: 6

If you must take an "oblication," how do you make the best of things? Or do you even try? Visiting family and friends for their benefit, not yours, can be stressful. What road-tested tips can you share with readers preparing to take oblications of their own?

Please note: Do not use this form to respond to other readers' suggestions. This is a place for you to share oblication survival tips that work for you.

Martha

As Sara said, separate quarters. And meet in a neutral location (not at someone's house). Recently we met my mother- and brother-in-law in Palm Springs. We got two separate condos. It was great. We had a place to go to be by ourselves part of the time and could eat and sight-see together. It was much more relaxing than visiting at their house or having them at our house.

—bakerjian

Get the Car!

For this kind of "vacation" skip being met at the airport and rent a car. It's the best way to assure some time and sanity in an unobtrusive way - you can helpfully offer to run errands by yourself or just have to go "pick up X at the X" whenever you have to get away (rare over-the-counter medications are a good excuse - "They seized my oversize tube of arm hair softener at the security checkpoint at the airport - must have another one before the family dinner tonight!") It's also handy if you really do need to talk with Relative Y about Issue Z - you can invite them along without it being so obvious.

—Guest Tracy

Realistic expectations

I think perhaps another suggestion, already implied, is to have very realistic expectations~ perhaps low would be a better term. These oblications are events that make you feel glad you did them, most often when they are over. KEEP OBLICATIONS SHORT!! I used to think Wednesday to Sunday was best, but now I am more for Thursday to Sunday. You have to leave while everyone is still glad to see you, and while your "gracious face" is still convincing!

—Guest Sidney

Remember why you're doing it

Oblications can be tough but we need to remember why we're doing it, but still keep it brief and ensure we get something out of the trip. Definitely need to plan "me" time every day as you'll need it. Offer to take the dog for a walk or to go to the shops and that'll give you time away. Offering to do nice things for others that gets you out of the house is a great way to keep everyone happy! On long trips to see family (many weeks) plan weekends away as every needs that 'space'. Everyone will be pleased to see each other instead of groaning in the morning.

—Guest Jaded traveler

Separate Quarters

After horrible dream oblication with my family in Hawaii, we realized that we'd all have gotten along a whole lot better if we'd had much more privacy. The six of us shared a small beach house for a week. We ended up being on top of each other most of the time. We also shared one rental car which meant we all had to go everywhere together. I vowed never to holiday with them again until my husband pointed out that we all quite like each other - at a safe distance. Even if it means spending a little more money, make sure everyone has enough space and can do what they like. Make sure there are times for big family dinners too, but don't be like me and think everyone has to do everything together all the time. Recipe for disaster!

—Guest Sara

Have Another Trip Planned

When I'm going on a trip that i'm not super excited about, it helps me to have another trip planned for the near (or far) future that I can look forward to when the current trip isn't going as well as I had hoped!

—Guest Heather